How Can I Foster an Amazing Sexual Relationship with my Spouse?
Having a good and healthy sexual relationship is an important part of marriage. Emotional intimacy coupled with vulnerability can create a closeness like no other. Having these building blocks be a part of your marital foundation makes for a strong bond that is hard to break. It allows you to be closer to your spouse (literally and figuratively speaking) than to any other person.
Some adjectives that come to mind when I think of a healthy sexual relationship in marriage are: passionate, on-fire, intentional, loving, spicy, tender, intimate, and enjoyable. And these are just a few! If you could choose some words to describe your sex life (or the sex life you want to have) what would they be and why? This is a question that can lead to a great discussion with your spouse because it will help both of you get a feel for where each of you are at with your hopes and expectations. Talk about it and maybe even write it down; put it somewhere in your bedroom where you can refer back to what each of you said.
Don’t forget to focus on what happens BEFORE you get your lovin’ on. What happens outside of the bedroom is just as important as what happens inside the bedroom. Having emotional closeness, especially for women, plays a big factor in being able to want to have sex in the first place. Feeling emotionally connected to your spouse before having sex makes for more of a wanting and willingness to be vulnerable, sexually intimate, and to have a good time overall. What are some things you can do for each other to be more emotionally connected?
Your sex life can affect other aspects of your marriage whether for good or bad. If you guys are struggling with having a healthy sexual relationship with each other, work on it. (Or twerk on it, you choose ;) For example, if one or both of you is very tired after coming home from work and aren’t in the mood to get it on, scheduling some time to have sex when you’re both more alert can help. If one spouse pursues having sex more than the other (and this is you) and the pursuit isn’t received well, try some more subtle approaches. If one spouses avoids having sex more, figure out why that is (if this is you), and try to rekindle those sparks from when you were first married. Sex can be a complicated thing because there are so many factors and finer nuances to it, but don’t let that stop you from creating a magical sex life with your spouse. If that seems beyond your grasp, don’t give up hope. It is possible to have that! You might just need some more resources to help you on your way. Below you will find a list of ideas that can help.
Ideas for improving your sex life:
Schedule it. Plan a time to be intimate with your spouse.
Spice things up. Do something different. Try having sex in a different part of the house.
Talk about it; your expectations, hopes, desires, and even fears.
Work on knowing what your spouse likes and dislikes. Work on knowing what you like and dislike.
See a therapist. Or a doctor. If you’re really struggling in this area.
Use affectionate touching like giving a back rub or foot massage.
Hug, kiss, and hold hands just a little longer. #oxytocin
Keep a neat appearance. Dress up for each other! Remember how it was when you were dating?
Work on that emotional connection BEFORE coming to the bedroom.
Clean the house and do the chores together before having sex so that you have one less thing to worry about. A clutter free home is a catalyst for a clutter free mind.